We were served a lot of quality Roy sibling time in the Succession series finale episode, from the good to the very, very ugly — but nothing quite so adorably cosy as the snack-session anointment ceremony Logan Roy’s trio of enfant terribles dubbed A Meal Fit For A King.
Clearly drawing on some kind of childhood hazing tradition, a sort of juvenile culinary Boar on The Floor, the “meal” takes place in the kitchen of the Caribbean vacation home occupied by Kendall, Shiv, and Roman’s mother Caroline the night before the climactic board meeting.
The most WTF ‘Succession’ quotes of the final season
Having decided to band together again as a voting bloc, challenged each other over and over to make the case for their own solo ascendancy as CEO, and finally agreed on the evitability of big brother Ken, the three younger Roy siblings march into the kitchen to “anoint” him with “a task”. Roman suggests a spoonful of cinnamon; Kendall demurs, saying “that’s what they made Lee Iacocca do when he took over at Ford”. (A quick Google revealed no such piece of lore on the record.)
Then Shiv has a brainwave — “Meal fit for a king?” — and with Roman’s assent, fetches the blender, while the youngest Roy raids the fridge for “something disgusting”. The concept even has a raggedy but regal theme song of sorts, which Smiling Kendall mimes conducting from atop a bench.
So what goes into a Meal Fit For A King?
We counted up the ingredients and have a recipe… of sorts.
What went in:
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At least a cup of 0% milk
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A little Tabasco
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A lot of Tabasco (there are two bottles on the counter)
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A bag of “frozen knobbies” (the loaf ends of sliced bread, which Caroline’s husband and CEO dark horse candidate Peter apparently “doesn’t like” and so are stashed in the freezer)
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A whole egg, shell and all
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A fist-sized gobbet of sunflower oil spread
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A very hefty dusting of cocoa powder
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A heaping spoonful of Branston pickle (a chutney-like British condiment)
Blend the above, and serve garnished with a maraschino cherry and a teaspoon or so of Shiv’s spit.
Also on the counter, but never shown being added to the blender, were the following, which we recommend* tweaking additional amounts of to taste:
An open can of Heinz baked beans
A packet of sliced honey ham
A bottle of Hidden Valley Ranch dressing
The mystery orange hot sauce (perhaps a local specialty?)
Definitely not in the smoothie:
Peter’s special cheese, thoroughly licked by Roman.
*For legal reasons, we do not in fact recommend any of this. Except for…
What the Roys could have made instead
As my house’s resident snack wizard, this is not a tough one.
A thin coating of the sunflower spread (mixed with a wee dollop of ranch for flavour) on the bready side of the “knobbies”, end-side insides spread with Branston pickle and topped with some stealthy un-licked slices of Peter’s special cheese, a bit of ham, a spoonful of baked beans, a little Tabasco and/or orange hot sauce; whack that stack in a hot frying pan or a panini press for a few minutes, and you have a nice, filling, very British grilled cheese sandwich, complete with extra protein and a spicy kick.
Does it have the very HBO visual punch of Roman dumping the brown royal sludge over Kendall’s head? Not really, no. but maybe the board meeting would have gone a little better for the boys if the hungry pregnant lady had had something proper to eat.
