“Die Hard at a destination wedding” is what I wrote in my notes while watching Shotgun Wedding, and what do you know — that phrase appears in the marketing materials verbatim. It’s nice, isn’t it, when a film delivers pretty much what it promises?
Instead of a retired cop, our unlikely heroes trapped in the party-turned-hostage situation are Darcy (Jennifer Lopez) and Tom (Josh Duhamel), whose wealthy Latino and gauche white Midwestern families, respectively, gather on a private island in the Philippines for their lavish wedding. They’re deeply in love, but Tom has been consumed by every tiny detail of the big day, while independent big-shot lawyer Darcy feels a chill nipping at her heels and never wanted a huge production of a wedding in the first place. The night before, she’s literally begging him for sex (in a sweet-and-spicy scene that will have you saying “You know J-Lo is FIFTY-THREE?” out loud whether you’re watching alone or not) while he’s on the floor hot-gluing twinkle lights to the pineapple centerpieces.
But just as their issues come to a head the morning of, the island is swarmed by pirates in apocalyptic arts-and-crafts masks and their motley bunch of guests taken hostage in the resort pool, and the bride and groom must fumble their way across the island to stage a rescue. Naturally, amusingly violent chaos ensues.
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It has some of the sly, chaotic energy of Game Night, John Francis Daley’s underrated 2018 action farce with an ordinary, loving but “stuck” couple at its center you do actually want to root for. But where Game Night wrings comedy out of its most violent moments, Shotgun Wedding director Jason Moore (Pitch Perfect) doesn’t get the tone right in its attempts to make the danger feel genuine while still keeping things light.
2023 is clearly the year of giving Jennifer Coolidge a gun. Yes, it’s fun watching Jennifer Coolidge trying to mow down baddies with an assault rifle — just. But it’s not actually fun watching the pirates spray bullets at the edges of a trapped crowd and terrified hostage/guests, shrieking and whimpering in very convincing fear. Those moments tipped over the thin line the film manages to walk in other moments of real violence that are played for laughs, like Tom’s shocked processing after he semi-accidentally kills a pirate.
Credit: Prime Video
The film’s biggest crime, though, is the proportion of usually charismatic performers who are wasted or miscast. Comedy icon Cheech Marin is barely there as Darcy’s wealthy father; D’Arcy Carden doesn’t quite have the malevolent ethereality required for the role of his hippie girlfriend; there are severely diminishing returns on an initially promising Lenny Kravitz as Darcy’s absurdly smooth and unwelcome ex; and a promising, sparky B-romance between You’re The Worst‘s Desmin Borges and The Flight Attendant‘s Callie Hernandez sputters and never gets resolved.
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And then there’s Coolidge. Her entire career, let alone her recent dream award-season run, has shown that she can say literally anything and make it funny even when she’s just being herself, and Moore has said that she was free to improvise on set and did so. So why does almost every line she has land with a thud? It’s mostly the fault of the script, which saves its funniest lines for everyone but her (her Wish.com Vin Diesel line as she shoulders that machine gun? “Nobody fucks with my family!”) — but it also feels like she’s been stuffed into a generic embarrassing-mom role that unforgivably stifles her natural irrepressibility.
Also unforgivable? Casting her as Duhamel’s mother when she’s barely 11 years his senior. C’mon, Hollywood.
Credit: Prime Video
The action is mostly fun, though it gets a little shaggy towards the end (notwithstanding the most absurdly gruesome comedy death I’ve seen since Violent Night) and even Darcy and Tom’s unlikely action hero status is semi-backed up by their backstories (Tom is a minor league baseball player, for example, so despite being a bit goofy he’s fit and has good hand-eye coordination) while also keeping things relatable for comedy reasons (Darcy faints at the sight of blood, and their cobbled-together schemes rarely play out as planned).
It’s also refreshing to see two — admittedly very genetically blessed — people in their 50s as the central couple in a wedding movie, with genuinely sexy chemistry, and to have zero chat about babies or children, especially given the title. And let’s face it, what we’re really here for is that inevitable shot of Lopez with her battered wedding dress torn artfully down to the bones, toting the titular weapon. When it gets there, it’s hard not to be impressed. It’s her star power — and her wildly underrated ability to lift mid-tier material with her Marilyn-like sparkle and comedic timing — that save Shotgun Wedding from being a total misfire.
Shotgun Wedding is now streaming on Prime Video.
