It’s a Saturday afternoon and I’m standing in line at a supermarket holding a lemon, and lemon-infused tonic. I also happen to be wearing a lemon print dress. Suddenly a voice from behind me says: “I take it you like lemons, then!”.
I can feel the blood rushing to my face. The thought of my puce face is making me want give up on my gin and tonic ingredients.
Rather than turning to reply to the man, I move my head shyly and mumble a response, trying as best I can to hide my face and chest, which are bright red.
This was the moment I knew something needed to change.
Credit: Rachel Thompson
Charles Darwin once described blushing as “the most peculiar and the most human of all expressions,” that is brought on by “thinking of what others think of us.”
According to psychiatry professor Dr. Enrique Jadresic, facial blushing has been described as “a specific symptom of social phobia,” recent studies suggest 50 percent of patients with social phobia blush frequently.
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My blushing wasn’t just occurring when I was approached unexpectedly by strangers. It was happening at work, during social situations, and when I least expected it. Whenever my older male boss would talk to me, I’d go so red that I would avoid him so could prevent further blushing embarrassment.
It made no sense whatsoever. But then again, my blushing has never made sense. Sure, it’s pretty common to blush in the presence of a crush, or when something embarrassing happens, but when your boss says “hi” to you? Or, when your colleagues ask you a simple work-related question?
I felt undermined by my own body; as if I wasn’t in control of myself, as if I wasn’t confident in what I was doing. But, in reality, I was sure of myself; I knew exactly what I was doing; and I didn’t want the colour of my cheeks to imply otherwise. I would deliberately avoid making eye contact with people when I could feel my face flushing. I’d try to hide my face and I’d avoid talking to certain people who I’d blushed in front of previously.
According to anxiety therapist Jodi Aman, “Some people get embarrassed about their own blushing which — because embarrassment increases discomfort — can perpetuate the situation.” When Aman treats patients who blush, she encourages them to change their feelings towards their blushing.
“The key to settling the redness is not to be embarrassed.”
“A good way I help people do that is to let them know how blushing is received by others. People feel more forgiving, affectionate and trusting to a person they see blushing. We humans read blushing as honest and virtuous because we don’t have to guess if the blusher is being true.”
“If a blusher can embrace their blushing as a positive attribute, they will no longer be embarrassed and this would decrease the length of their blush,” she continued.
This is the approach I decided to take.
It was a challenge at first, but one day something just clicked. Why was I wasting my young years feeling ashamed about something totally harmless and outside of my control? People spend a fortune trying to make their cheeks rosier, but I was getting it free of charge. Plus, many people find blushing utterly charming. In view of these things, I concluded there are far worse things in the world than a pair of rosy cheeks.
I decided to go with it. If my face is going to go red; so what? I’m gonna keep smiling with my head held high.
If my face is going to go red; so what? I’m gonna keep smiling with my head held high.
Of course it’s easier said than done. For many people, going bright red can make an awkward situation even more humiliating. Sometimes my friends point it out which can make me feel more self-conscious. I was afraid that by being less ashamed about my blushing — and consequently making myself more visible — people would point it out and poke fun. What if people thought I fancied them because I blushed in their presence?
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I decided that being open with people about my blushing would help to assuage any concerns I had about people getting the wrong idea. That’s not to say that I tell everyone I meet that I blush a lot, I just talk about it with friends and colleagues, and tell them how weird it is that my face does this crazy thing for no reason.
My resolve to wear my blushing with pride is tested regularly, but it’s a work in progress.
I’ve told myself not to cower or hide my face, because one day I’ll look back and wonder why I wasted my twenties feeling ashamed.
If you’ve got it flaunt it.
