Meet Me on the Lanai: Readings Recs for Each of The Golden Girls

Given the “I’m a serious reader and you’re all plebs” attitude Dorothy initially adopts when she befriends author Barbara Thorndyke in “Dorothy’s New Friend” (Season 3, Episode 15), I’m going to guess that she’s a lit fic reader at least some of the time (even if Barbara’s book titles sound more like mystery series than high-brow, fancy-pants fiction). Though Renée is ultimately a very different character than Dorothy, I see some similarities in the way they appreciate art, philosophy, music, and learning in general. I think this is a story Dorothy would appreciate.

I didn’t just pick this collection of stories for its Swedish protagonist (though that would probably be enough for Saint Olaf’s finest). I also picked it because I live for the moments when the bright, shiny version of Rose gives way to her inner baddie. I want Rose to find a little bit of Maud, to be a little spiky, suffer no fools, and get in a little bit of trouble, maybe even say something a little spicier than, “Heck!”

Like Rose, Cara Romero finds herself suddenly jobless in her 50s, jarred when she’s forced back into the job market for the first time in decades. Cara also cannot tell a short story to save her life. Sound familiar?

If there’s one thing we know, it’s that Blance Devereaux gets hers. So does one Seraphina Arden. The setup of The Rakess reminds me of “The Commitments” (Season 7, Episode 16) where Blanche tries to get it poppin’ on the first night but Jerry’s all, “that’s not how I get down.” There’s room for both spice and romance, I say! And since Blanche did once have fleeting notions of becoming a great romance novelist (“Sick and Tired – Part 2,” Season 5, Episode 2), maybe she could take a few pointers from Scarlet Peckham.

In an alternate universe or someone’s fanfiction, at least one of our golden gals ends up with a lady, right? I originally thought to suggest this Courtney Milan romance for Rose because seriously, wouldn’t she and Pat have made an adorable couple? (“Isn’t It Romantic, Season 2, Episode 5)!? But if anyone has kept her youthful-ish appearance with daily doses of spite and baths of man-tears like the titular Mrs. Martin, it’s Blanche. Maybe the solution to her many, many man problems was women all along! We’d just need go remind her that it’s “lesbian,” not “Lebanese.”

Within seconds of starting this book over five years ago, I said out loud in a bookstore, “Oh so this is like if Sophia were German and a lot more drunk!” Auntie Poldi’s got the spunk, the sass, the nosiness and lack o’ filter, and she knows her sex life ain’t over just because she’s no spring chicken. Go off, auntie.

Sophia Petrillo knows how to meddle, and almost exclusively does so in pursuit of a love interest for Dorothy. Enter the equally meddlesome ladies in Jesse Q. Sutanto’s Aunties series. If Sophia had a cell phone, I’m confident she too would have interpreted those eggplant emojis as an invitation to enjoy some eggplant parmigiana. She’d appreciate the efforts of this comic bunch of ladies, and maybe learn some new ways to find love for her beloved Pussycat.